Insanity
by KoolJack1
Summary: After Edward leaves, Bella takes her own life. Edward looses his mind with grief and blames no one but himself for her death. Complete Angst, will be re-told in different POV. Please R&R, I suck at summeries, so just read it for yourself.


1The darkness of the attic was comforting. My eyes stared off out the window, seeing nothing. No physical pain could match up to this, the mental pain I was in right now was so great, it caused me physical pain. I never wanted to move from this spot in the corner of this dusty attic. Every few hours Esme or Alice would come up to check on me. I knew how pathetic I must look to them, curled into a ball in the corner of this attic, rocking gently back and forth. Surely I was insane, that much was apparent. Alice offered to sit with me and she got no response from me, so she left.

I watched out the window as small streams of water made their way down the glass. The soft patter of the rain as it landed on the roof above was soothing and I shut my eyes tightly. The rain reminded me of another soothing sound, a sound I would do anything to hear right now. Bella's heart, beating steadily in her chest. I remembered the sound of her heart, it made my head throb with each strum it made. I sobbed gently, something I was used to doing now. I cried tearlessly, though my sadness was obvious, I couldn't produce tears, it was a good thing though, because if I could we would need flood insurance on the house.

"Edward, it wasn't your fault." I opened my eyes and looked up meeting Jasper's eyes. My brother looked like he had been through hell, this was also my fault, just another reason to hate myself more then I already did. A wave of calm spread over me as Jasper knelt down next to me, reaching a hand to my shuddering shoulder.

"It is Jasper, I left her, she would still be here if I didn't leave her." I winced as speaking made the awful burn in my throat flare, I deserved the pain though.

"Edward, you left her because you thought it was for the best, it is not your fault." I couldn't look at Jasper's face and my eyes darted around the room, avoiding him. I didn't answer him, I was to weak to keep arguing with him. I was dizzy with thirst, it had been months since I had moved, let along hunted. I couldn't bring my eyes to focus for long and there was no chance of me containing my shaking.

"Edward, stop doing this to yourself, Bella loved you more then you could imagine, I felt it coming off of her in waves whenever we were together, if she saw what you were doing to yourself, she would be heartbroken." I had heard enough, I didn't want to hear anymore. I shoved Jasper back into the wall with all the force I could muster, then I was on my feet. I flew across the room, pinning Jasper to the floor.

"I KILLED HER, SHE IS DEAD BECAUSE OF ME!" I let my fist slam into Jasper's jaw, a growl ripping from my sore throat. I opened my mouth to bite him, but next thing I knew I was being pulled away, two giant arms pinning me to a stone chest.

"Edward Cullen, you need to control yourself." Emmet pushed me back into the corner, his honey colored eyes glaring at me. I shifted my gaze of to where Jasper was, Carlisle now at his side. Emmet took my face in his hands and brought a cup to my lips, instantly the smell hit me. My eyes widened and I grabbed the cup from him, gulping it down.

"That will calm you down, I can't imagine how thirsty you were, no wonder you can't control yourself." Emmet was still at my side when I dropped the cup back to the floor and resumed my position of being curled into a small ball. Emmet sighed rolled his eyes, he truly had no idea how bad I felt. Carlisle and Jasper were by his side now, and they all watched me with curious eyes. Jasper sent a wave of calm over me, trying again to soothe me.

"I'm sorry Jasper..." I mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

"It's fine little brother, I understand." At least he could feel how bad I felt right now, so he had to understand.

"Edward, I understand what you are going through, losing Bella hasn't been easy on any of us." Carlisle's voice sounded tired, I knew he was upset as well.

"Yeah Edward, we all loved Bella, but we are here for you, but we can't help you unless you let us." Jasper tried again to send a wave of calm my way, and this time I shut my eyes, letting it take over.

"I can't believe she's gone." I blocked each other their sympathetic thoughts, I didn't deserve sympathy, I was a monster. I left Bella and she took her own life, trying to find relief from the pain I caused her. I should have been there, I should have been there to protect her and love her. She died thinking I didn't love her, when that wasn't the case at all. Depression was a miserable thing, and I was in such a deep depression now that there was nothing anyone could do, even Jasper was helpless.

Just the thought of her name sent stabbing pain through my chest. Each memory of us together, kissing, holding each other, sent a different kind of pain through me, unimaginable pain. The intensity of everything made me want to scream, it felt like my world was on fire. I whimpered as I felt three sets of hands against me. I didn't even feel myself start to move but apparently I was attempting to get up before they pushed me back down. I felt as clumsy and helpless as a human, and I didn't like it one bit.

I leaned back against the wall and let my mind wonder, searching for relief that I didn't deserve. I shifted through each memory of Bella, starting from the beginning, when I first saw her. I let my mind free, remembering memories that I had until this point pushed away. The relief was instant. I could feel her lips on mine, her arms around me. I could even hear her heart, strumming away like a bass. I sighed in content, enjoying my memories to much to even notice Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmet leave me alone, leave me to my insanity.


End file.
